Wednesday Tensday: Excuses For Day-Old Makeup In Public

26 Jan

Welcome to our very first edition of Wednesday Tensday, where I hurl 10 themed answers to a prompt or question at your eyeballs. Sometimes they’ll (attempt to) be funny, sometimes I’ll be for real. It’s gray and dreary outside, so I need some funny ha-has. They’ll probably only be amusing to me, but it’s my blog and I’ll make terrible jokes if I want to. This week, we explore some potential reasons behind those girls you see walking home in stilettos, a party dress, and the same makeup they wore last night. You know exactly the ones, and not because we’ve all been one at some point (hel-loooo, college).

10. “I was up all night with my friend who got food poisoning. Lot of poop. Don’t want to get pink-eye.”

9. “My roommate made off with my makeup remover and the water got shut off. We’re poor college students, okay?

8. “My dog ate all my makeup remover wipes. I think it’s the cucumber she likes.”

7. “I’m trying to make my skin really awful for the purposes of testing products for my skincare blog.”

6. “Haven’t you seen models’ skin without makeup? It’s awful! I don’t want to chain-smoke cigarettes or drink champagne at 7am habitually, so this is my next option. Yes, I’m trying to become a model by giving myself awful skin. Crazier things have happened.”

5. “It’s performance art. Yes, seriously. I’m making a commentary on the transience of outer beauty and capitalism.”

4. “I lost a bet. Can I borrow a blotting sheet?”

3. “I’m pledging a sorority. This is their idea of hazing. I’ve had this on for three days. I can feel my skin suffocating.”

2. “Whatever. Sleeping in your makeup is totally harmless. Hey, you know smoking is, too? Those scientists. Always trying to scare people.”

And the #1 excuse?

1. Walk of shame. Let’s be real, ain’t nobody thinking of the other 9 reasons above if you pull into a drive-thru at 9am ordering breakfast with fake lashes, faded lipstick, and an unwashed face. Big bug-eye sunglasses might mask the makeup, but the shame of last night’s debauchery cannot be hidden behind a huge pair of shades. Sinner.

(Just kidding. I’m the biggest sinner of them all. But the Flying Spaghetti Monster gets it.)

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